look within

when i lost you, it feels like i lost a piece of my life.
yes, memang tak mati.....
but it feels different.
and time will heals everything but hey, it will take a very long period of time.
2 years with you was like forever.
we spent each of our time, like most of the time together.
and when we went to our own way,
it felt, yes, different.

but you are still indirectly checking on me,
which i don't know what is your intention of doing so.
is it because i have some other person to make me smile?
or is it because you memang wanna know and care about me like you used to?

im clueless and confuse.
and hey, my friends don't hate you.
they are just, well, protective.
that is normal, they are my best friends after all.

sometimes, i am strong.
sometimes, i had my hard time.
and it happen to strike me again just now in the evening.
i was cranky.
and i miss you very much.
but i can't expect anything from you
because we have no more commitment,
no more relationship but just friends.

and hey,
i miss everyone in 14.
somehow, you are the connection to all,
people see us as an item in 14,
and they often see us together,
but now everything has changed.
and i think it is hard for them especially my baby sister to create an event,
because for her; she wants the family to gather together and have fun,
but for us, it will be impossible because it will be damn awkward.

i was accepted by them as your partner,
but now i am not.
and it is all my fault.....
eventhough my best friend always remind me that,
things won't just happen if only one party feels that way...
it is somehow because you change a bit and that affects me,
or it is truly just me; being too emotional.

this is damn hurting,
it is like i have lost you,
and some of them.
yes, we are still friends,
but the closeness is not the same anymore.

i wish everything could start at square one,
forget the past and take it as an experiences.
try to not repeat the same mistakes,
and hold on to the future..
but that is impossible.
because it is hard..

i lost my trust in you,
and so do you,
with no trust,
there will be no happy ending.

i'm sorry for all i have done.
i truly am. :'(

i miss you.
truly.