Reality vs fantasy.

Every girls were born to grow up as princesses. 

Every girls have that dreams to have their Prince Charming waiting with a white horses in their handsome white suits to save them from every nightmares they have. 

Every girls secretly have their dream weddings, surely it's there. Trust me. 

But once that girls grew up, reality strikes them. Because they know now that those dreams are only achievable in their dreams, in fantasy not in this cruel world. 

There are nothing such as Prince Charming, white horses, beautiful castle, happy endings, beautiful weddings. 

Because in reality, all those doesn't exist for free. Truth to be told, money is the key to happiness. Not specifically but generally. To have all those dreams that you once had, you really need that big amount of money in your pocket. Without them, your dreams can't be achieved. It is simply, impossible. 

Been there, done that. 

Something bitter that I have to absorbed. ALWAYS.  

Something important that I've learnt during my process of growing up. 

Fairy tale doesn't exist. 

Fairies doesn't exist. 

Mermaids doesn't exist. 

And happy ending is hard to achieved. 

Oh well ladies, 

Welcome to reality. 

motivation.

silence.

who can endure if you walk into a big space of room that full with awkward silence and negative vibes?

it has been almost three months since we received the order to transfer our stuff to this brand new level. i was a bit of excited because it is a new level with new furnitures and new people (which i thought will bring joy to my life) but i was wrong. every single person in this department really shut themselves in a hole when no one could venture; especially those new ones. 

My department? i find it bores me day by day. i really hope there will be new people, a joyable one that could help me bring the excitement of working in this room. EVERY MORNING, i feel like i'm walking through a very strict library where talking loudly is prohibited, WAIT, even whispering is not encouraging. Tell me, who can really stand with all these intolerable attitudes? and when you are trying to make conversation, it will just die at the end of the questions, there is no continuation. oh dear, i could really die in this room.

Imagine you are in a room that lack of air to breathe. YES. that is exactly how i feel. 

so tell me, 

how can i be motivated to go to work every morning?

A cup of love.

“Coffee, whether good or bad, has a way of creating relationships” – Cheryl Dudley.

A cup of love. Hot and cold; depends on each other preferences.

So, last night, these three young ladies decided to get together and catch up with each other forgotten lives.

At that random nights, we went down the memory lanes and it has been exactly 10 years ago that we have graduated from high school and who would have thought that we could actually sit down on a round table over coffee and chips to randomly discussed about the uncertainty of the future?

So the future beholds so many surprises in life.

Future, so full of temptations and yet so full of the biggest uncertainty of all. Every steps you take, every roads you go through will automatically create your future. Hence, you need to be careful and totally be responsible of whatever decisions that you made. 

and who would have thought i will eventually settle down with the man i am with now. it has been six (6) years and insyaAllah soon, we will eventually settle down for good. insyaAllah. I am too scared to think of the future and to think what i am capable of doing in just saying out loud of my inner thoughts. and it is right when people said that; towards the end of settling down, there will be ups and downs that He will be testing us. It has been happening now and then. and I have been like a time bomb whenever i am with him. 

One thing for sure.

I need to be calm; as calm as I can be when I am around him.

I need to be sincere; as sincere as anyone could when I am around him.

I need to accept his flaws, in whatever flaws he can be in.

and in doing all those above, 

I need to be an angel.

Which is the hardest thing I could ever be.

Oh, Allah.

Help me with this.

*another 23 days to the beginning of reality.

a new chapter

I grew up with fairy tales in my head.

From The Little Mermaid to Cinderella to Snow White and never ending list of Disney's cartoons.
In silent, I wish upon the brightest stars for Prince Charming to rescue me from my darkest rabbit hole where I have kept all my insecurities and deepest secret of my inner self.
In the dark, I was there fighting my own inner thoughts, contemplating with my confidentiality of split personalities.

I was doomed to be labelled as the most unstable, emotional young woman that doesn't really know what I want, what I needed in my life but the truth is, selflessly i just want a simple happiness with my loved ones. My support systems that will not judge me by my actions. That will not judge me by what i've said. Because those living persons that i called themselves as my support systems should know how to read me behind my actions and words.

Hence, moving towards the next chapter in life excites me but at the same time scares me to death. I need guidance, I need supports. I really confuse in what I should do and what I shouldn't do. What I want is just a happy ending. But somehow, it is not as easy as what the cartoons taught us. Happy ending does exists but in a hard way.

And for that to happen smoothly, I need my support systems.

Sealed Pages

There are sealed pages in my heart,
Traced with illuminated hand,
That none can see, and if they did,
Oh! Who would understand?
But thou, by some strange sympathy,
Hast thrown a searching look,
And read at sight the hardest scroll,
Indorsed within the book.

- Eliza Cook,

Stanzas. Addressed to Charlotte Cushman

(1851)

Lost and Found

In that crowd of nosy people,
I was there lingering on my own,
Somehow, you were there,
and my hopeless hope found its home.

Do you ever wonder?
When you have found me,
You have somehow found the light in me,
That I myself, have lost in time.

You have save me from drowning deep,
Into my clouded sorrow,
You have given me new hope,
Taught me that true love does exist tomorrow.

You are my key,
my happiness.
You are my Prince,
and my completeness.